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Guide to All Things Japanese
Tuesday September 22nd 2020

What the Fu%$ was That

creating a utopia

creating a utopia

Happy Science

I was riding my bike down the hill to Don Quixote the other day to buy a few odds and ends and to check out if they had any funny new Engrish advertising going on in the store and I spotted a business that I had not seen in town before.  Now I’m not sure if it’s simply a brand-new business or if I’ve ridden my bike past and missed it every time. 

 Tucked between a Pappa Pasta パーパー パスタ Italian chain restaurant and a new Pet Store is this non-descript big white building with an English sign on the front that says quite simply “Happy Science”. 

Happy Science business

Happy Science business


 The name gives me pause to stop and think and honestly at the time I’m thinking “what the fu%$” does Happy Science mean?  I understand both words but I’m just not sure how they fit together.   I mean is this some kind of business that is doing scientific research into the cause of happiness and depression like some kind of Prozac University? 

Or is it more sinister?  Is it a group of scientists which are so power-hungry for world domination they’ve developed some scientific way of permanently making us all so darn happy that we walk around all day with big shit-eating-grins on our faces, drooling like a bunch of idiots?  Either way I considered it my honorable duty to get to the bottom of this secretive business. 

So, I casually strolled up to the door and made to go in.  Damn!!  The door was locked.  Strange, because I can see people inside.  So I wait for a few minutes to see if someone will come and open the door for me but nothing happens.  The people inside are looking at me and I’m looking at them but they are making no effort to come and see what I want, it’s almost as if they are … IGNORING ME! 

As I turn my back on the door to walk away my spiderman crazy gaijin sense started tingling and I figured I had better make like a tree and leave.  I’m a peace loving kinda guy, the last thing I need is a group of whacked out scientist types kidnapping me for their “happiness” experiments or whatever.  But, just as I was about to get back on my bicycle I spotted a clue.  I knew that this clue might help me to discover some information or evidence of this mass conspiracy that was clearly going on right under our noses.  It was a sign near the front of the building announcing that “the rebirth of buddha” would occur on October 17, 2009.

buddha to be reborn 10/17/2009

buddha to be reborn 10/17/2009

What is this nonsense.  Buddha, being reborn, and this October 17th no less… how hadn’t I heard about this?  I mean it’s not as if I had been sleeping under a rock or anything so why wasn’t I privy to the fact that savior of one of the world’s foremost religions was being reborn in less than 3 weeks?  Shocked, I was utterly taken aback. 

I had split second decisions to make.  Was it true?  How did this relate to the scientists inside happily working on their medicines or world domination or whatever?  What should I do with this information?  Should I keep it to myself or share it?  As I bicycled away I decided this was too big for just me, other people had to be told, I needed to spread the word.

I reached home without further incident, popped on my computer and decided to do a bit of research before going any further.  A few google clicks later and all the necessary information was at my fingertips.  Apparently there was a connection between the Happy Scientists and Buddha being reborn this October.  As it turns out Happy Science is some kind of new cult religion and the founder of which either a) thinks that Buddha will be reborn on October 17, 2009, or b) has filmed a movie titled “the rebirth of buddha” which is set for release on October 17, 2009.  I’ll let you choose whichever makes more sense to you.

Ok folks here’s the deal.  We need to find out more information about this Happy Science movement before it’s too late.  Here’s the founder’s picture and here’s Happy Science’s website.  He thinks he’s going to create a utopia for us all.  What do you think?

is this man sane?

is this man sane?


Reader Feedback

10 Responses to “What the Fu%$ was That”

  1. Emily says:

    happy science is NOTHING like the aum

  2. Sharon says:

    That is an ad for a movie that came out on October 17
    I know this cause im part of the church.
    The church made a movie to spread the word that Buddha is now living on earth
    but yeah, hilarious mistake you made there.

  3. Jon Allen says:

    hmm, so anyone know if Buddha was reborn?
    The movie is on this week with Engish subtitles at a couple of Cinemas if you’re interested.
    see this weeks metropolis for details.

    • admin says:

      Update on the Happy Science situation. I met my friend Oli the other day and we got to talking about Happy Science and the Rebirth of Buddha. Turns out that one day recently he was approached on the street by one of these Happy scientists who engaged him in conversation and tried to get him to “convert”. He spoke to her politely and then went on his way, thinking nothing much of the encounter. Two weeks later he was handed a note by one of the high school students that he teaches. The note was from the Happy Scientist he had met. Apparently she was a friend of the student’s mother. What really freaked him out (me as well btw) is how this Happy Scientist tracked him down. Can you say Twiiiiiilight Zoone?

  4. Eido Inoue says:

    I’m concerned about this New Religion losing in the election and then having their leader set a master date.

    Not long ago, another New Religion in Japan lost big in public elections. The revered leader then decided that the proper way to handle things would be to kill everyone in government.

    That New Religion was Aum Shinrikyō. The leader was Shōko Asahara. The date was March 20, 1995.

    The only difference I can see between the two is that Aum Shinrikyō didn’t announce their attack date on posters plastered throughout Japan.

    Of course, most of 2ch is more fearful of another announced date and event. Most scary than Happy Science and Aum Shinrikyō combined.

    It’s the Yamanote Line Halloween Party.

  5. David says:

    They failed in the election. Be happy. I was fearful because the sushi shop below the bar I work at had a big poster for them. Our neighbor keeps on trying to convert my mother-in-law too. Thank “Bob” she’s not down with that crap.

  6. zeptimius says:

    “Do not taunt Happy Science!”

  7. Blue Shoe says:

    Careful, man. You don’t want to cross Happy Science.

    • admin says:

      Yeah, after my scathing expose I think I had better go around in cognito for awhile. I was thinking a groucho marx mustache for starters.

  8. PPP says:

    I just hope you won’t be member of them.

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